Because I'm an Idiot, That's Why
by bkaddictjk
Summary: Remus Lupin doesn't go to Hogwarts, but he's falling in love with someone who does. Lily Evans, a girl who's best friends with James Potter, who wants a motorbike one day, who has a penchant for profanity and inappropriate comments, who's a pureblood trapped within the traditions of her family. Or maybe Lily isn't Lily at all. Wolfstar and Jily AU. Reviews are appreciated.
1. Chapter 1

He stepped into the room, taking in the four poster beds and the unsettling tidiness which marked the labors of the Hogwarts house elves. It would soon be wreaked by the unstoppable force of _boy_ , of course, but despite the unfriendly cleanliness, the dorm room was a sight for sore eyes.

Sirius felt light. His footsteps had a newly recovered spring that he had missed for the past months, and he slowly felt his body and mind soaking up the magical atmosphere of the room, trickling in the feeling of _life_ and _personality_ until he started feeling like himself again.

It was hell, this process of growing in confidence and swagger before reverting to a vegetable for a soul-sucking summer, but it was just the way it was. It had always been this way, and Sirius had worked out a system throughout the years.

He had skipped the welcome feast. He never felt too hungry anyway, and James and Peter knew better than to search for him by now. No, the hustle of familiar faces rushing together, trapped in one loud room, jittery first years tripping over their long, hopeful robes, eating up precious minutes with their bothersome personalities and preferences…

No, it was much better to sneak into one of the many secret passageways and hurriedly move to the dorm he had missed so much. Just to sit. And think. And not think. Just sitting.

The first day always took a lot from him. Friends and acquaintances greeting and expecting Sirius Black to be Sirius Black.

But it was hard to be Sirius Black after not being him in so long, Sirius fumed. Sirius Black was great. It took a lot of effort to be him. Starting with a few hours of silence.

For all his want of company, just when it was in his grasp, he just wanted some solitude.

Hours past, and Sirius was feeling much better, just in time for the door to fling open.

"Lily has a boyfriend."

His enraged best friend stormed into the room and collapsed headfirst into his bed. Peter trailed behind, huffing annoyed sighs at the dramatics.

"Good. Now he can rant to you, because I've had enough. The berk wouldn't stop muttering for the entire feast." Peter shrugged off his bag, throwing it offhandedly towards Sirius. "Speaking of the feast, I've a few bread rolls in there if you want a bite before bed."

Sirius slid the invisibility cloak over from his head and grinned appreciatively as he took in the contents. Peter had smuggled in a feast short of a full bodied turkey. Picking up a leg of chicken, he asked, "How'd you two know I was here?"

Peter rolled his eyes. "James let you borrow the cloak today at the Express, so we figured you were up here sulking or whatever it is that you always do today."

As Sirius was about to indignantly protest his sulking, James angrily asked, "Are you both just going to ignore the fact that Evans got herself a boyfriend? I could use some words of consolation, you prats."

Sirius took a bite out of a buttery croissant. "Yes, yes, Evans has a boyfriend. Good for her, sucks for you. She's pretty hot."

From across the room, Peter nodded in agreement as he shrugged into his sleep clothes. "I've been telling him that he's lucky that this hadn't happened any sooner. She's one of the best looking girls in our year."

"Oh Peter, you poor innocent sod," Sirius said sorrowfully. "It's not luck that Evans hasn't been getting offers. Of course you'd be surprised if she's only just now getting her first boyfriend."

"What do you mean?" Peter asked.

"Ask loverboy over there," Sirius said helpfully, pointing to where James was now desperately looking outside the window in an attempt at being romantically longing.

"I've been threatening to cut off the balls of every bloke who wanted to ask her out for the past three years," James said. "It really shows you my devotion, but she never really understood that it was all in the name of love."

"I believe that the exact words mentioned were creepy and sad," Sirius pitched in.

"Oh." Peter looked a strange mix of both frightened and impressed. "Well, that explains why Evans never had a date until now. How'd you know who had intentions of asking her out?"

"Sneaky Salazar over here snooped for me," James said, reaching over to grab an eclair from the magnificent spread of food. Sirius slapped the hand away, making his way through the sausages.

"You just ate," he said incredulously. "Are you really taking my food?"

James nursed his wounded hand with an equally wounded expression. "I'm eating out of heartbreak."

"Wait, wait, wait," Peter said. "How would you know what blokes were into Evans?"

Sirius shrugged. "I'll ask around for you for a fee, you know that."

"I never got that," Peter said, shaking his head. "You're stinking rich, why bother with these favors?" The three of them finished off the last few morsels of food before flinging the trash onto the floor. Sirius felt satisfied as he surveyed the small mess. He was home.

"Well, I'm saving up," he said in response to Peter, "I keep wasting away my dear family money while I'm in school, but I'm saving up to leave. We're in sixth year now, and I'm not going back into that hellhole after we leave Hogwarts."

Peter and James made some vaguely sympathetic noises before climbing back into their own beds.

"Well, it was a good run James," Peter said. "You did your best, but now that she has a boyfriend, you should back off."

Sirius nodded. "And no one can say you didn't give it your all. No one."

James glared. "I'm not giving up."

"You've had a crush on this girl since third year," said Peter. "Hasn't she suffered enough?"

"And aren't you a little bored by now?" Sirius asked, "She still won't give you the time of day."

"You guys are supposed to be comforting me." James protested. "I'm your best mate and I'm heartbroken here." He burrowed into the covers in a fit of self-pity.

"Well," Peter said, awkwardly pulling the covers away from James's head in a vaguely comforting manner, "I'm sorry James, but really, we all knew this day would come. Head up, lad."

James moaned brokenly. "I can't believe that she would do this to me. Doesn't she know how I feel?"

"Oh I think she knows how you feel plenty," Peter said. "I wouldn't worry about that, that's the least of your worries. You have made it very clear how you feel."

Sirius shrugged, patting James on his very messy head. "Well, maybe now you can finally take a hint and leave that poor girl alone. It's not like she was your girlfriend… or even just your friend, actually. In fact, she kind of hates you, doesn't she?"

In the very back corners of his mind, Sirius knew that he and Peter sucked balls at comforting a broken-hearted sixteen year old boy, but really, Sirius comforted himself with the fact that he was incredibly good looking and very talented at nearly everything else. Everyone was allowed their flaws, after all.

James poked his head out from under the covers. "You two suck. I need new friends."

Sirius and Peter snorted.

"Good luck finding those," Peter said.

"We're all you got," Sirius added.

James understandably looked a little miffed. "And that," he said dramatically, "saddens me most of all."

Sirius shrugged and walked back to his bed, gesturing for Peter to do the same. They had carried out their obligatory best mate duties of comforting a fellow marauder in need. At least, that was how Sirius saw it. Peter seemed to agree, for as soon as he got back to his Martin Miggs comic book, he asked offhandedly, "Who is the lucky bloke, by the way?"

James had caught on to the fact that his mates were assholes who were done in their lukewarm attempt to comfort him. Chucking a pillow at each of them respectively, he sullenly stated, "I dunno, some bloke she met during the summer."

"Ah," Peter said wisely, "during the summer, when you weren't there to hex his balls off. Smart girl."

James threw him a filthy glare. Peter ignored him, shoving a chocolate in his mouth and keeping his eyes resolutely on the comic book.

Sirius, on the other hand sat up, giving the conversation his full attention. "So he doesn't go here? What, is he a muggle?"

"Might be," James shrugged, "for all I know he could be a recluse troll living under an abandoned bridge. Lily got a little testy with me after I asked a couple of innocent questions."

"He nearly interrogated her," Peter said. "I thought she'd been guilty of a crime or something. It was frightening."

"He must be a muggle," Sirius puzzled, "if he's a wizard living in Europe and he doesn't come to Hogwarts, that's a little fishy, isn't it?"

"There's always Beauxbatons and Durmstrang," James said gloomily.

"Well what do you know about him?" Peter asked, his curiosity also piqued. "Is he our age?"

"Well I dunno, do I?" James snapped, irritated.

Suddenly, he sat up and pointed at Sirius with a crazed glare in his eyes. "You!" James shouted, launching from his bed back to Sirius.

Sirius gulped. This was something that had happened before, with terrible consequences. "Yes, me. What, you lunatic? I'm not her new boyfriend."

"You can spy for me! You're pretty chummy with her nowadays, aren't you?" James asked suspiciously. "You can go and do a little sniffing around."

"Yeah?" Sirius said, affronted. "And why on earth would I do that, you lovesick buffoon?"

James glared at him with narrowed eyes. "What do you want?"

From the sidelines, Peter clapped his hands in excitement. "Tell Potter to fork over a shitload of galleons!"

Sirius considered it. James was loaded, and he could always just ask for more from his parents. Then again, James was his friend, and he really did like the Evans girl.

"Hmm," Sirius said, "maybe I should, Pete. He can afford it easily, after all."

"Oh come on," James said, "you're going to make me pay for you just asking around a few questions? That's cold, Black."

"Fine," Sirius said reluctantly. "I guess you did let me borrow your cloak for today." Sirius balled up the cloak and tucked it into the special corner of James's trunk. "I'll do it for five galleons."

"Ah that's boring," Peter said, turning away.

In contrast, James hopped up. "Come on mate, hurry up. If you wait any longer I might as well just wait for the rumor mill to come around."

"You want me to go now?" Sirius grinned. "How much do you want this? Would you agree to owing me a favor too?"

"I'm not that much of an idiot," James glowered. "You'd get me tangled up in some illegal shit."

Sirius smirked. "Come on, James," he wheedled. "Have a little faith me, won't you mate?"

Peter laughed. "Why the hell you he trust you?"

"Because I'm such a trustworthy being," Sirius joked, "I'd do anything for my friends!" Turning to a trapped James Potter, Sirius raised an eyebrow. "Well? What'll it be?"

James rolled his eyes. "Fine," he said, "but if the information's not satisfactory, I'm not doing or giving you shit, Black."

"Good," Sirius said. "And don't worry your little head, Potter. We both know that I'm going to sniff out more than you'll ever want to know. I never disappoint."

"Big talk from someone who's already a step behind Bertha Jorkins." James plopped back onto his bed. "You're such an arrogant asshole, why are we even friends?"

Peter shrugged. "He's plenty pretty, isn't he? We need a pretty one in our group, and you're not cutting it."

"And that," Sirius said, as he shrugged on his robe, "is why you're my favorite, Pete."

Before pushing open the door he called over his shoulder, "And Bertha Jorkins graduated last year, you dumbass!"

Whistling, he stepped out in search of Lily Evans, feeling like himself again.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Normally I don't do notes, but just in case some people were confused about the false alert(s) that happened earlier. I had a formatting issue and uploaded this chapter three times. Really sorry about that, I'll try not to do it again. On a more happier note, I would like to thank my first reviewer and dedicate this chapter to papayathewritingmachine. Thank you to everyone else who reviewed, followed, and favorited!

Walking down the stairs, Sirius scanned the common room until his eyes rested on the fiery red hair of Lily Evans, the object of James Potter's desire.

She was pretty enough, Sirius supposed. Striking red hair, flashy green eyes – she was beautiful and strong, and well known for being incredibly smart. Too smart to get caught up with James Potter, but smart enough to use his friend Sirius Black whenever the need arose.

Such a need had arisen when Lily had been shot down by a boy for the umpteenth time due to James Potter's infamous tendency to threaten all the boys of Hogwarts who even dared to think about asking Lily out. So Sirius and Lily weren't "chummy" as James put it. Sirius had merely offered his assistance to a frustrated Lily, and now Lily owed him many favors.

After all, there was only one person in Hogwarts who could distract James Potter from Lily Evans when she was off on a daring date with one of her suitors, and Lily knew it.

"What's up, Evans?" Sirius asked smoothly, interrupting a dull story about some girl's summer.

Lily looked up, her face morphing into one of distaste. "Black," she greeted curtly. "Had a good summer?"

"Of course not," Sirius said, knowing that his hatred for summer vacations was already an established fact among the Hogwarts public. "Now, why so unfriendly, Evans? Don't be like that."

Sirius sat down, making himself comfortable. "I needed to talk to you about something in private." He gave a pointed glance at the other girls, who shifted uncomfortably.

Lily shrugged, "Sorry, I'm in the middle of a conversation, Sirius." With that, she turned away and continued her conversation, obviously ignoring him.

Sirius scoffed at her weak attempt and smiled at the girls. "I'm very sorry, ladies," he said, cranking up the charm, "I'm afraid I have to borrow Lily from you for a bit." Standing up, he dragged her away to a more secluded corner of the common room.

"Black, you are impossible," Lily spat. "What do you want?"

Knowing that Lily would rather appreciate directness compared to dilly dallying, Sirius decided to keep it simple and honest. "I'm spying for James."

"I figured," Lily snapped sarcastically, "I'm a smart girl." Crossing her arms, she glared at him expectantly, "Well? What did he offer for you to do his dirty work?"

"You know my fee," Sirius said simply. "I work for favors. I'll collect his later. Speaking of, I'm guessing that your secret date with Williams, that I helped you keep from James, didn't go too well if you've already forgotten about him in lieu of whomever your new boyfriend is."

Lily sighed. "You really don't beat around the bush, do you?"

"I'd like to get things moving along, if you must know," Sirius said. "So, his name?"

"Remus," Lily said, gritting her teeth. "His name is Remus, you jackass."

Sirius grinned. "Now we're talking. No need for the hostility, Evans. Oh, and really, how was your date with Williams? I'm not just reminding you that you owe me, I do care."

Lily sighed, "It was fine. Nothing too crazy, completely a normal date. I don't need to marry the boy if he's not heinous, you know."

"So why no second date?" Sirius asked, curious despite himself.

"He was a little boring," Lily shrugged, "nothing scandalous. Thank you for making sure Potter didn't find out, by the way. Even though you couldn't just do it out of the goodness of your heart," she jabbed. "Beats me how you did it, Potter is a menace."

"Don't I know it. And you can repay me for that right now," Sirius said slyly, "I'm cashing in my favor. Let's just have a friendly chat about what happened over the summer, okay?"

"I never understood this part," Lily said. "What's in it for you? You're just cashing in your favor just for another favor. Why?"

"Well, that's true, but I promise results," Sirius said honestly, "remember that the next time you need something. I have uncollected favors lying around everywhere. And not all of them are used for information. It's good for business." He grinned, "Also, I'm incredibly nosy."

"True," Lily agreed in concession, "in fact, you're too nosy for your own good. If you'd just waited a few minutes, I was going to tell you things so you could help me out a little. Of course, now I'm just worried that you'll listen and parrot everything I say back to Potter.

Sirius shrugged. "I'll keep my mouth shut if you let me up your skirt, Evans," he said unabashedly.

"Shut up, you toerag," Lily said without missing a beat. "I'd rather you run back to Potter to blab like the good little sidekick that you are."

"Pity, but it was worth a shot," Sirius said ruefully. "You are awfully attractive, Evans. No wonder he's obsessed with you."

Lily tossed her hair over her shoulder, cheeks flushing a little. "Thank you, I guess," she said, "but aren't you not supposed to hit on who your best friend fancies?"

"It's commonly frowned upon to do that, yes," Sirius admitted. "But let's face it, he's not getting anywhere, and I probably had no chance either."

"Stop flattering me and let's do this," she said determinedly. "I don't have all day." She brought out a small picture of a smiling boy. "This is Remus," she said, her voice a little softer than before.

Sirius studied the picture, marking notable features to repeat back to James. Remus was a lanky boy around their age with longish, dusty, light brown hair. He had green eyes, not nearly as brilliant as Lily's, but not dim either. Sirius decided that he was attractive in a boy-next-door way, save for a slight scar that spanned across his face.

"Alright," Sirius nodded, "I'm better looking than he is. That's always good to know."

Lily smacked him. "Shut up," she said, "just because girls throw themselves at you doesn't mean that he's not attractive."

Sirius smiled conceitedly. "I knew you wouldn't disagree," he said smugly, "I am a handsome son of a bitch. But yeah, he's a good looking bloke. Smart looking, I bet he's the scholarly type?"

When Lily offered no comment, choosing to just smile at the photo some more, Sirius grew impatient. "Come on, Evans, he's your new boyfriend and I have a job to do. Gush! Talk a little! I need information."

Lily laughed. "Fine. He's… well, he's amazing, Sirius. We met at a muggle market back near my place and he knew that I was a witch right away – saw my wand in my pocket – and we just started talking and we didn't stop once the whole summer."

Lily looked around to see if anyone was listening before lowering her voice. "And you know how much I was dreading this summer because of what happened last year with Severus. I thought it would be terrible, and really, he wouldn't stop trying to talk to me, it was so annoying, but Remus was great about it. Told Sev to shove off."

"Hmm," Sirius hummed, "I think I may like this Remus bloke if he told Snivellus to stuff it." Casting around for something that would shock Lily while simultaneously satisfy James's curiosity, he offhandedly blurted, "Did you have sex?"

"Black!" Lily said, looking around to see if anyone else had heard. "What the fuck is the matter with you? You don't just ask that kind of thing – what on earth, I can't believe you just said that!"

"So that's a yes," Sirius said, knowing that if it wasn't Lily would correct him and if it was, Lily would either change the subject or stay red faced and silent. He looked up to check and sure enough – red faced and silent. "Good to know."

Lily smacked his shoulder again, this time hard enough to actually hurt. "You're such a jackass, you'd better not tell Potter or he'll fling himself from the walls in the Great Hall and moan about it to eternity, and I do not need that kind of drama this week."

Sirius privately agreed with her about his friend's penchant for dramatics. "Was he any good?" he asked, before smirking. "Of course he was, you're his girlfriend now, aren't you? He must have been great. How old is he? Where does he go to school? Why isn't he here at Hogwarts?"

Lily, grateful that the conversation had moved onto safer topics jumped to answer, as he had known she would. "Actually, that's the thing that I needed your help with," Lily said, a worrisome crease appearing between her eyes. "I don't know a thing about him and I wanted to ask you what I should do about that."

Sirius stared.

"I'm sorry," he heard himself say. "Just give me a second."

"You don't know a thing about him," Sirius started. "You, Lily Evans, who has spent an entire summer, around two months, sleeping with some random bloke, and you don't know a thing about him."

"Yes, yes, laugh," Lily said sourly. "I'm crazy, but it's true. I know his name, I know what he looks like, I know his address because he wrote it down for me as I was leaving so I could owl him… and that's about it."

"How can you not know anything about him?" Sirius asked incredulously. "He's your boyfriend! Didn't you talk?" At Lily's uncomfortable silence, Sirius smirked. "Better things to do than just talk?" he jibed.

"No!" Lily said defensively. "Get your head out of the gutter, Black. We talked. It's just, I hadn't really realized that I didn't know anything about him when I agreed to be his girlfriend. He's incredibly sweet, and fun to be with, and we had a nice summer thing… but on the way here, a lot of my friends asked me some basic questions and… well, I guess I couldn't… er… "

"And you couldn't answer anything," Sirius finished.

"No I couldn't," Lily said uncomfortably. "I guess all of our conversations were kind of trivial, or just all about me, or… yeah."

Sirius felt like he was going into shock. It was unsurprising that he felt like the floor had been pulled out from underneath his feet, really. Lily Evans was perfect. She was smart, so smart that she was always vying for the top spot in her year. She was responsible, responsible enough to be the Gryffindor prefect. (The other being Peter, and no one was entirely sure why or how that had happened.) She was funny, vivacious, and logical, and definitely not the type to jump into a stranger's bed and have a wild summer fling.

Which was why Sirius just couldn't help himself from asking, "Are you telling me that you, you who have constantly ragged on James for being too self centered, have a good-looking boyfriend who you know nothing about because you were too busy either having sex or talking about yourself?"

Lily glared at him as Sirius fell into pieces. "It's not funny!" she said furiously. "You are being no help here, you smug bastard!"

"I'm sorry," Sirius said, calming down. "It's just, this is so unlike you."

"You think I don't know that?" Lily asked, "that's why I need your help! Normally, I'd be direct about this sort of thing, just point blank ask why I don't know a thing about him. But the thing is, this sort of thing seems to be something I should talk about in person, and not in a letter or anything… I don't know what to do." She seemed almost surprised at the fact.

Sirius chortled. "I'm actually enjoying this chance to judge you, if you must know. Let's see exactly how much you know about your own boyfriend."

"Ignoring Lily's death glare, Sirius started firing off some questions.

"How old is he?"

"Oh my goodness, I have no fucking clue. What on earth is wrong with me?"

"Stop freaking out and think. When is his birthday?"

"Oh come on, Sirius, I don't even know your birthday. Who memorizes that kind of shit these days?"

"Unbelieveable," Sirius muttered. "You and James are made for each other. What's his favorite color? What's his favorite food? Does he listen to music?"

"Stop it! Stop it! You've made your point, I don't know anything about him, alright?"

"Do you even know if he's a wizard?" Sirius asked incredulously.

Lily flushed.

"I think it's red," she muttered faintly. "His favorite color, I mean."


	3. Chapter 3

_Her eyes gave her away before she even opened her mouth._

 _"If I'm going to be honest, I was never the one for romance," she whispered, looking up into the night sky._

 _They were sitting together on a makeshift picnic blanket, half eaten foods surrounding them like some sort of bizarre bubble._

 _"Although," she said, biting into a sandwich thoughtfully, "this is pretty nice."_

 _"I'm so glad you approve of my grand gesture," he said dryly. "See if I ever do something nice for you again."_

 _The grass scratched at his leg, so he shifted closer to her. "I will say that I was worried about you hating it. It felt a little too storybook, to be fair."_

 _He wrapped his arms around her shoulders, and it warmed him up when she laughed._

 _"Well, this is a starlit picnic in the secluded countryside. It's positively lathered with storybook romance." She looked up at the night sky again. "I'm beginning to understand why people make such a big deal out of it."_

 _Remus looked up with her. The sky was filled with stars and the moon was such a sliver of it's horrifying self that he could almost pretend it didn't even exist. "Well, romantic gestures show that I care for you."_

 _"Don't go making this a habit now," she admonished. "I'm only letting you off because I like you."_

 _He raised his arms in mock surrender, delighting at how easy everything was around her. "I solemnly swear that I will never do something so romantic again."_

 _"Good," she said sternly._ _They continued their little feast in companionable silence._

 _"If it were anyone else, I would have hated it," she said after a few minutes of full stomachs and happy smiles._

 _Remus just looked at her. "Why am I so special?"_

 _She leaned back, pressing against him, the warm summer air enveloping them both in an embrace. "I don't know," she said, her voice becoming softer, more serious, "you're just really genuine."_

 _Remus hugged her tightly, touched by her reply._

 _She was really close. She was close enough for him to count every freckle on her nose, see her lips curving into a smile as she leaned in a little closer. And that was all he could see because then he closed his eyes and they were kissing._

"Remus?"

Remus looked up. Remus's father, Lyall Lupin, was in the doorway. "Dad," he said, shaking himself slightly to clear his head, "what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, don't worry. You mother is calling you down for breakfast."

"Oh," Remus said, "sorry, I was a bit lost in thought."

"Things on your mind?" Lyall asked.

Remus shrugged. "I guess so, I was just thinking about the summer."

"Yes," Lyall took up a firm tone, which was betrayed with his joking smile, "you'll have to start being productive again soon. No more lazing around at home, young man."

Remus shook his head. His father looked much too happy about that, although there was no actual bite to his words. "Don't worry," he said, rolling his eyes. "I already checked with the library in the next town and they said that I could come by any four days a week for a part time job."

Lyall looked pleasantly surprised at this piece of information. Remus refrained from mentioning that he had gotten the job during the summer to spend more time with his girlfriend.

"When did you do that? And isn't the next town a bit far?"

Remus shook his head, taking a plate full of eggs from his mother. "It's okay," he said, "everywhere's far from here, and I can just get up early." Scarfing down his breakfast, he pressed for seconds, "I'm also going to go and see if there are any other jobs lying around."

His mother patted his cheek affectionately, "Good lad, Remus. Oh, and remember to brush up on your studies at the library from time to time. Learning magic doesn't give you a free pass on maths! And no more than two part timers, alright?"

Remus grinned, "It's okay, I can handle it. Thanks for breakfast!"

Rushing out the door to his bicycle, Remus started thinking about the summer again. He started thinking about Lily again. She had been a remarkable girl. Someone that wouldn't have looked twice at him if he hadn't luckily made a fool of himself when they'd met for the first time.

 _Remus hopped off of his bicycle and tripped into the market gasping for breath. It was terrible to be living so far away from civilization._ _It was necessary, of course. His becoming a man-eating-monster every few weeks was horribly inconvenient for whenever he simply wanted to be an egg-eating-man._

 _He hurriedly grabbed a basket and dumped the first few items on the list. Eggs, chocolate, milk…_

 _With a grin, he skipped the mushrooms and the bananas. The list was more of a suggestion, right? And no one really needed mushrooms and bananas…_

 _Making sure that everything else on the list was in the basket, he set of to the counter to pay and leave. He'd hopefully be able to haul it back home without any spills._

 _"Lily," he overheard a slightly desperate voice from behind him. "You have to listen to me."_

 _"I don't have to listen to anything you say," a cold voice replied. Remus took a wild guess and assumed it was Lily._

 _He slowly moved away to give the couple some privacy. He wasn't even good at dealing with his own awkward situations, much less anyone else's._ _Unfortunately, the two of them seemed to have different ideas. The voices moved towards him, steadily growing louder._

 _Remus gulped. He whirled around and pretended to look at some canned tomatoes._

 _"I'm sorry, okay?" the boy said. Sneaking a glance, Remus saw that the speaker was a skinny boy with dark hair and a pallid face. The girl, by contrast, looked like she was ready to explode with anger._

 _"Severus, sorry isn't good enough if you don't plan to change," Lily said in a surprisingly calm voice._ _"And I'm done defending you, I'm done waiting for you, and I'm done hoping for you."_

 _By now, Remus_ _was sure that his prolonged interest in canned tomatoes either made him look meticulous or creepy, but he still couldn't get away because they were blocking the aisle. He cursed his luck when the Severus person followed Lily to the tomato section._

 _"You can't tell me to change when I'm stuck in Slytherin," Severus scowled. "I'll get murdered."_

 _Slytherin._ _Remus inwardly raised an eyebrow._ _They were from Hogwarts. This lucky bastard was complaining about going to the best wizarding school in the country. Remus wanted to punch him._

 _"It's easy to be brave when you're surrounded by people who support you," Severus pressed, making it very easy for Remus to hate him._

 _Pretending that he wasn't listening to the conversation, Remus picked up yet another can of tomatoes and resisted the urge to throw it at the stranger's greasy head. He couldn't afford to get kicked out of another muggle market when the next one was an hour's ride away. Tescos still had him up on wanted posters - and the mugshots were really unflattering._

 _Lily's next words were laced with venom. "Then go. Go and join your Death Eater buddies in Slytherin and become the monsters they are. And don't come to my funeral when one of them kills me, Severus, because you will not be welcome there."_

 _Severus took a step back. Remus didn't blame him. "Don't be ridiculous," he argued feebly. "They won't kill you." He sounded unsure._

 _"Really?" she asked, unimpressed. "Not even after we leave Hogwarts? B_ _ecause we both know that I'm going to be fighting in the front lines no matter what."_

 _Remus frowned at his tomatoes. Really, the last thing they needed were muggles finding out about wizards. These two were being incredibly careless. They were in a muggle supermarket, after all._

 _"I'm sorry," he said. "Come on, Lily."_

 _"Let go of me."_

 _"Not until you listen."_

 _"Let go of me. Now."_

 _Remus looked up, regretting his decision instantly._ _Lily was furiously glaring at Remus, her accusing expression clearly judging him for not offering to help her get rid of the other idiot._ _He inwardly sighed._ _Now he had to intervene or look like an asshole._

 _He awkwardly stepped forward to wrestle Severus off of Lily, and accidentally slipped on a wayward coupon for three canned tomatoes lying on the floor._

 _"Ahh!" he yelled heroically as he fell into a stack of soup cans._

 _With a crash, the display fell to the ground, cans rolling in all directions._

 _Remus looked up. In the midst of the confusion, Severus had let go of Lily in shock. They were both staring at him in disbelief._

 _"Oh good," he said calmly, picking himself off of the ground. "You let go of her. I was hoping I wouldn't have to say something as cringing as 'Unhand the lady!' today."_

 _Lily snorted. Severus stood there awkwardly, unsure of what to do. Remus didn't blame him. It was an unusual situation._

 _"Shove off," he said helpfully. "She clearly doesn't want you here."_

Remus grinned at the memory. Not one of his most eloquent moments, but Lily had assured him that she had never wanted a knight in shining armor anyway. It was trite, after all.

He got off of his bicycle, and headed towards Harold's, a shady bar at the edge of Cokeworth. He was sixteen, which meant that drinking alcohol was illegal, but no one said anything about serving it. He hoped that Harold would understand where Remus was coming from on this one.

The sign on the door read CLOSED 'TIL 5 PM, but Remus pushed in anyway, knowing that Harold would be there, setting up for the night shift.

"Harold!" he called, "I want a job!"

Harold stomped out from behind the bar. "We're closed," he said gruffly.

Harold was a heavy, graying man who always wore a brown cabbie cap. Humorous and taciturn, he had a good relationship with all of his customers and had been running the bar for over twenty-five years by himself.

Remus had met Harold when he had turned thirteen. Entering puberty was a nightmare on even the most normal of teenagers, but for a werewolf, it was a whole new depth of hell. Muggle medicine, Magical cures, voodoo, expensive hoaxes, and just plain crap - nothing had been spared by the Lupins to help their little boy, though with little effect.

Recently after their move to the outside of Cokeworth, Remus had been terribly mauled by his own transformation to an unbelievable extent for the first time. Shocked and scared, Hope had raced towards the nearest pharmacy for anything that might be of use, only to find it closed. Harold had taken pity on the pretty young lass and given her a free drink, as well as all the supplies in his medical cabinet.

"Harold," Remus greeted, "I'm sixteen."

"Good for you," Harold said. "What the hell are you doing in a bar then, you little underage rascal?"

Remus walked in and sat on one of the cushioned chairs. "Come on, Harold, you said I could have a job here this year," he wheedled. "We could really use the money, you know that. My parents are overspending on my treatments again."

It was a terrible thing to do, pulling for pity from an old man who had already saved his life once, but Remus brushed away the guilt with the reminder of money and booze. He had to find the perks of being a werewolf somewhere, or he would die as a miserable, pessimistic teenager.

Harold sighed, shaking his head. "Beats me how you can be perfectly spunky one day and on your deathbed the next," he said, grimly polishing his cups. "I suppose that I'm the only sentimental dunderhead who's considering your unreliable ass for a job."

"I got a day job at the library," Remus muttered in his defense, although he knew that it was pretty pitiful, "but it pays shit."

Harold hummed. "Fine, I'll hire you. But not as a bartender. You're too young for that. You can clean up, take orders, cook… just get here by five."

"Will do," Remus said, with a little salute.

Harold grunted. "Don't be cute with me, save it for later. Just try to make yourself useful and get tips from tipsy old ladies."

Remus nodded solemnly. "Don't be cute, try being useful, flirt with old ladies... Don't worry Harold. I was born to do this."

"Get outta here, you," Harold said, "and don't get arrested."

Remus laughed as he headed towards the library for five hours of endless shelving and labeling. Maybe the coffee machine would still be broken. He could use a free cup of coffee right about now.

He had gotten the job at the library because of Lily. She had volunteered at the library for the summer, and had urged Remus to come visit her whenever he found the time.

 _"Libraries are great if you can read in them. Or if you stay just for a few minutes, but hours? It's torture. No wonder it's so empty."_

 _"Why do you go then?" he asked. "Just spend more time with me."_

 _Lily laughed, "I go because the librarian is a wonderful, lonely lady who needs my help. You should come too."_

 _Remus shook his head regretfully. "I can't," he said, "I really need to find a summer job, and volunteers don't get paid."_

 _Lily nodded. "Okay, no pressure or anything. But if you can stop by whenever you find time, I'd love to see a friendly face."_

Remus had visited her every day. Towards the end of the summer, when they were spending every waking (and sometimes not waking) moments together, she finally caved and asked Ms. Rothford, the librarian, if there was a paid profession for her boyfriend. And Remus got his first paid job.

 _"Thank you for doing this," Remus said._

 _They were lying together on his bed, with nothing but the covers keeping them modest. Drowsy and exhausted, Remus felt more elated than ever in his life with this beauty lying next to him. She was the first girl to kiss him, to spend time with him, to laugh with him... And tonight, she was going to be the first girl to spend the night in his room._

 _She glanced at him strangely. "Oh, er… you're welcome?" she asked, puzzled. "You were pretty good too?"_

 _Remus laughed. "I meant thanks for the library job, Lily."_

 _"Ahh," Lily said, relaxing, "that makes more sense. Hey, don't worry about it. I just wanted to spend more time with you before I have to go back to Hogwarts."_

 _"I do too," Remus said, "but no one's been so active in trying to help me find a job before. Well, a legal one, that is."_

 _"I wish you wouldn't go and ask to work for Harold," Lily sighed. "It's not good for you to be around alcoholic old women who will probably leer at you all night."_

 _"Are you jealous?" Remus asked teasingly. "I might leave you for Mrs. Dundry down the street?"_

 _"Yes, it keeps me up at night," she said deadpan. "I'll weep into my pillow imagining you and her when I'm having lonely nights back at school."_

 _Remus laughed even harder, pulling her closer to him. It was a nice feeling - the warmth of her body pressing against his skin. "Don't worry about it," he said. "Drunk older ladies aren't my type."_

 _"Good," she said. "I want you all to myself."_

 _They kissed some more, until Remus pulled back to look down at her, straight in the eye. For some inexplicable reason, he wanted her to know. He wanted to tell her exactly how much it meant to him._

 _"What?" she asked. "Is something wrong?"_

 _He smiled._

 _"No," he said. "I'm just really lucky."_

 _Lily nodded, looking mystified. "Okay, then?"_

 _"Thank you," he said. It wasn't much, but it was all he could say. "I'll miss you a lot when you leave."_

 _"We can write," she promised. "I promise that we'll keep in touch. And next summer, I'll be here."_

Remus sighed as he remembered her words. It had been bittersweet then, and it was bittersweet now. He had smiled nonetheless and continued the conversation, knowing in his heart that next summer, she will have forgotten all about him.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Hello everyone! We're getting into the plot now, and I just wanted to tell you that I've been updating the former chapters whenever something caught my eye. Nothing major has changed, but if you want to reread it just in case, please do.

* * *

After a moment of deliberation, Remus decided that a coffee break just thirty minutes shy of arrival time was pushing it. Which was a shame, because another hour of checking the library catalog for overdue books was just as boring as it would sounded.

Fighting to stop yet another yawn escape from him, he returned his attention back to the battered back cover of another worn book. He checked the cards, the names, the messy catalog of the checked outs and the checked ins for another half hour before he decided that enough was enough. Listening to nothing but the ticks of the clock and the shuffling feet of the old librarian shelving books for another minute would drive him crazy.

He didn't have anything against manual labor. In fact, he was a fan. It was within his limits and helped pay the bills, but right now, Remus needed something a little more distracting than the fact that Mr. Cracklepepper had been a little obsessed with the erotic novel section for the past few weeks.

He needed a better distraction because contrary to his expectations, Lily had continued to write to him. A magnificent owl of fine breeding had sweeped into his window snobbily carrying her first letter a few weeks ago, and Remus had been getting such letters every week since.

Against his better judgement he had replied, and her letters (written in a surprisingly messy scrawl) were stashed secretively at the bottom of his bag like some sort of bizarre good luck charm he carried everywhere.

The third letter had arrived at his window that very morning. Remus had yet to read it.

Looking around furtively to see if anyone would notice his slacking off, Remus abandoned the piles of books and made his way over to the broken coffee station. The library had been unable to stop the patrons from enjoying the free coffee, and Remus was honestly glad for it, though the novelty would stop as soon as the bean supply ran out. The sub-par coffee would be his only drink for the day, at least, until he could escape to Harvey's for a secretive shot.

Taking his mug, Remus dug out all of the letters and reread them for the umpteenth time. The first one was very standard, acting as though they were long friends simply separated for a while. He still had no idea what to make of it.

 _Dearest Remus,_

 _How have you been? What have you been up to? I hope you are doing well._

 _It's been a surprisingly slow week here at Hogwarts. After fifth year, I'd expected something a little more death-defying, but after dropping History of Magic, Astronomy, and Arithmancy, my schedule's a lot more cleared up than last year. I suppose things will tighten up as we get more into the material._

 _I'm learning how to Apparate, and that's pretty fun, if it would just work for a bit! I'm a bit frustrated. The teacher is a lofty lunatic who won't be specific about anything, so you'll understand my annoyance. All we're doing these days is twirling around like a bunch of bamboozled ballerinas. The only people who have managed to succeed are the ones in the all-wizard families. They've clearly been apparating unauthorized for quite a while now._

 _Especially Potter, that stupid toerag, I told you about that arrogant idiot, right? Of course I did._

 _Our first Quidditch match is coming up. Gryffindor vs Ravenclaw, it's bound to be a blast if you want to come and visit me. I miss you much. Tell me all about what you've been busying yourself with. If you can't make it to the match I'll see you for Christmas!_

 _Reply back soon,_

 _Lily_

It had taken Remus two whole days to think up a suitable reply, which ended up being a jumbled mess of words wishing Lily good luck in the upcoming Quidditch match. He also added that unfortunately, he'd be unable to make it, as his mother had fallen ill. He felt a bit guilty for the lie, but couldn't feel too bothered as he'd never be able to afford the train ticket to Hogwarts anyway.

He reasoned to himself that Lily would be much happier with a sick mother than a dirt-poor boyfriend who believed that they didn't have a future together.

To assuage his guilt, he'd even mentioned his new job at Harold's, and how it was keeping him busy. After all, it didn't really matter if he was opening up to her a little more now, she was far away at Hogwarts, and he'd never run across her again. Her plans for Christmas threw him off guard, of course, but he figured that plans could always change long before December arrived.

Remus wasn't stupid enough to think that he could have something real with such a wonderful girl. She was beautiful, lively, and smart. She could have her pick of suitors and could do much better than an uneducated and poor werewolf who'd only hold her back from achieving whatever it was that she would be able to do for the world. But for now, he could read her letters and smile. He would let himself do this.

The next letter made him question his judgement a little. Lily was light and flirty as always, but some of her questions made him squirm in discomfort.

 _Remus,_

 _I'm so glad you replied! I'm glad to see that you have another job, although I do wish it wasn't at Harold's. Aren't you too young to be working in a bar? Why don't you apply to Tesco? I saw that they were hiring on my way to King's Cross. Go and take a look at it, I think they had the sign right next to an unwanted poster._

 _Come to think of it, why on earth does Tesco have an unwanted poster? Who would ban themselves from a market? That's just bizarre._

 _I feel like it's the sort of thing that the idiot boys of Gryffindor would do. Did I mention what Potter and his gang have been up to now? They've gone and postponed the Quidditch match. McGonagall did it as punishment for Potter because he's the captain of Gryffindor team. The three of them have to spend the next two weeks restoring the Quidditch pitch back to its original state. Right now it's a lovely bunny farm. Where they got the bunnies from I will never know._

 _Remus, please tell me you aren't laughing at this. I know that you'd have loved something like this, and I hope you know that this is juvenile and not funny._

 _Okay, it's a little funny. I guess the bunnies hopping around the pitch when everyone went out to see a rough game of Quidditch was… cute, in a certain way._

 _Bother, I'm sort of glad you aren't at Hogwarts now. I bet you would have been the worst here. Where did you go anyway? Durmstrang? Beauxbaton? Anyway, the Quidditch match was postponed if you want to make it to the next one._

 _Lots of Love,_

 _Lily_

This one was a little more unsettling. How was he supposed to mention that he hadn't gone to any magical school without mentioning that they had all rejected him? And he couldn't pull another "my mother is sick so I can't make it" in response to another invitation. It would be strange to predict that she wouldn't get better by then.

And although it had nothing to do with his secret, he really didn't want to talk about his lifelong ban from Tesco either.

His response had been a bit slow again, writing and rewriting each word, making sure that there was nothing too incriminating before sending it off.

There had been no way to avoid discussing his lack of magical education. Remus had blamed it on his overprotective parents and his frail health. If he couldn't tell her about his werewolfiness, he could at least try to seem as unappealing of a partner as he could. Maybe she'd get tired of a long-distance dating if he gave her more reasons not to like him.

He also mentioned his ban from Tesco, as a touch of humor. After all, her letters made him smile, and it was the least he could do to reciprocate in that aspect. He supposed his story was a bit humorous if it wasn't just as embarrassing.

Unfortunately, instead of running away from a sick, uneducated, underage bar worker, Lily seemed to welcome his information. Remus started to worry that he was dating a basket case before remembering that she was clearly intelligent. Her latest letter was as upbeat as ever.

 _Lovely to hear from you as always, Remus!_

 _I've had a particularly good week. I'm glad that we're keeping in touch. Is it strange that even though we were nearly inseparable for the entire summer I had no idea you were sick? You seemed perfectly fine to me. Except for that one time you got into a bar brawl with some of Harold's drunken patrons. I told you it was a bad idea to spend so much time there, and here you are, getting an illegal job at Harold's instead of listening to me. Shame on you, Lupin!_

 _I'm sorry to hear that you couldn't come to any wizarding schools because of your condition. Is your mother still sick? Is it a family thing? I'm sorry if I'm prying too much. I'm just worried about you. I suppose you can't make it to the Quidditch match then. It's a shame, the pitch is all cleared up from bunnies, although I've decided to keep one. Don't tell anyone, no one knows about it except for my roommates. I'm calling him Bubbles._

 _Now let's get down to what's important here. I can't believe you were banned from Tesco! That mugshot was terrible, by the way. You are much more handsomer than that!_

 _Yours,_

 _Lily_

He still hadn't replied to this one. Each letter made him crushingly happy and panicked at the same time. Deciding to push replying to a later time, Remus went back to the desk to await three more hours of boredom. The clock continued to mock him with its evenly spaced ticks, and the light from the window behind him slowly started to dim.

Once in a while, Remus would take an unofficial break while combing the stack of books for some light reading. He'd discovered on day four that picture books were the best for short unofficial breaks. Just enough to lighten up his mood but not too time consuming.

It was when the clock struck five o'clock when Remus breathed his last sigh of relief and said goodbye to the ever-diligent librarian. Whistling a familiar tune, he hurried over to Harold's.

His days were tedious and repetitive. He closed his eyes and remembered how the summer had been different - filled with unexpected twists and chatty, conversation filled hours.

"Harold, I'm here!" he called as he stepped into the dark building.

"Lupin, get in here, we're short of hands!" Harold barked, hurriedly bustling from one end of the bar to another.

When Remus became more accustomed to the light, he saw that the bar was packed with more people than he had expected. "What's going on?" he asked.

Harold threw an apron at his head. "Stop asking questions and go and help behind the bar. Bobby got engaged and they're all celebrating."

Remus couldn't help but smile. "I thought I wasn't allowed to mix drinks?"

Harold swatted him away, scowling. "Stop getting smart with me and go tell people you're of age."

"Yes Harold," said Remus, whistling his familiar tune before getting to work.

He was enjoying himself, getting more confident as he flipped the cups and bottles in the air with a practiced ease. The slow but steady trickle of tips in the jar emboldened him even more as he took more orders and put on a good show.

His attention was peaked on a pretty blonde sweetly asking for another drink when he heard an unmistakable voice quietly calling his name from behind him.

"Wouldn't you be a little too young to work here, Remus?"

Remus spun around, only to come face to face with a long silver beard.

"Professor Dumbledore?" he asked incredulously. "What are you doing here?"

Still as grey and magnificent as the last time Remus had seen him, Dumbledore stood tall in his deep green wizard robes, looking strangely at home in the entirely muggle bar.

"I rather thought I could use a drink," Dumbledore said quietly. "I suppose you could get me one?"

Without a second thought Remus grabbed the nearest bottle and poured, not knowing what it was that he was serving to the greatest wizard in the world. He slid over the cup hastily, still wondering where on earth the monotony of his jejune life had gone in the space of a few minutes.

Dumbledore drank a short sip, blinking rapidly afterwards in shock. "Well," he said, in a voice a bit more raspier than his usual, "that's quite something that you're serving there."

Remus looked down at the bottle in his hands. High liqueur-content vodka. He gulped guiltily and slid it away.

"I trust that you've guessed by now that I'm not here by coincidence," Dumbledore said. "I have a proposition for you, and I'm hoping that you'll take it."

"What is it, sir?" Remus asked politely. The last time he had seen Dumbledore, he had been promised a position at Hogwarts. Remus respected the man, but he knew that Dumbledore was often unrealistic. The plan had been canceled almost immediately when some members in the ministry had caught wind of it.

Dumbledore seemed to understand what Remus was thinking. "I understand that you must harbor some doubts about my promises, but I assure you that this time is different." Dumbledore looked around the room carefully before saying, "With the amount of dark activity increasing in these troubling times, I've decided to form a coalition of strong, brave wizards that I can trust."

Remus looked around the bar uneasily. "Are you sure that it's a good idea to talk to me about this here? We're in a very public place, sir."

Dumbledore chanced another sip at his drink, wincing as he did so. "I'm sure that we'll be fine. Not many Death Eaters frequent muggle bars in Cokesworth."

"Why would you even want me?" Remus asked. It was a fair question. He had no magical education or qualifications. Nothing even as basic as a Hogwarts degree.

Dumbledore shook his head. "Don't sell yourself short, Remus. You will be a very valuable asset to the group should you take my offer. You're unknown, your magic is powerful, and you are young and highly intelligent."

Remus took a deep breath. It was crazy, he reasoned. He had a job, and a family, and if he just stayed put, he'd be safe. No one in the wizarding world would bother him. He had expelled himself from the magical community and was living as a muggle. There was no reason to fight for the very people who had hated him for all his life.

Dumbledore interrupted his inner monologue. "I assure you that no other members will be informed about your condition unless you choose to tell them yourself. Also that every member will be an able and trustworthy person willing to risk their life for a better world." There was a short pause, and then, "You will also not be placed into risky situations before you are fully trained as a wizard."

Remus looked up. "Fully trained as a wizard?" he echoed numbly.

Dumbledore nodded. "I understand that you currently have a job at the local library, but we currently have a vacancy at Hogwarts ever since our librarian eloped with last year's Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. I'm afraid I've already filled the Defense position, but currently our prefects are filling in at the library as a part of their duties. I'm sure they'd be relieved if you took the job."

Remus shook his head in confusion. "Professor Dumbledore, I'm sorry, I'm just a little confused. Are you offering me a job at Hogwarts?"

"Yes," Dumbledore said. "I understand that you are only sixteen, but since you have prior experience, I think it will be fine. Did I ever tell you that our current gamekeeper, Hagrid, first started working at Hogwarts when he was thirteen? So you won't be the strangest hire ever to happen at Hogwarts during my tenure."

Remus shook his head again. "So... you're giving me a job."

Dumbledore nodded. "It's yours if you take it."

"And you want me to join your secret group against the Death Eaters," Remus continued. He paused. And didn't Dumbledore mention some sort of education? Had that been wishful thinking?

Dumbledore chuckled. "That is one way of putting it, yes."

"And you also mentioned training?" Remus prodded hopefully.

"Ah yes, I knew that you'd catch that," Dumbledore said, pleased. "I'd be willing to give you some lessons in magic, as part of your training to becoming a member of the Order."

"The Order," Remus repeated, frowning at a rough crack in the middle of the table.

He wasn't even sure if he wanted to fight the Death Eaters. Though the Lupins lived like muggles nowadays, they still received the Daily Prophet, and things didn't look too good with the whole Voldemort situation.

"It will be a big step for you to reenter wizarding society," Dumbledore said seriously, echoing Remus's own thoughts. "But I have to stress that this is perhaps the last chance that you will have to interact with your peers in a school environment. The precautions that we had in place six years ago are still offered, Remus."

Remus nodded. He still didn't know what to say.

Dumbledore pressed one final time. "There is a war brewing, Remus. There are powerful people who wish to enforce the kind of discrimination that you have endured all your life on other innocent people like yourself. I hope that you will take this chance to grasp the life that they are keeping you away from, as well as the chance to fight for what you know to be right. I will look forward to your answer by Sunday."

With that, Dumbledore stood swiftly, robes billowing out in a sign of finality as he walked out the door.

* * *

A/N: Thank you for reading. I'd love to hear what you think about this chapter. I tend to use reviews as inspiration whenever I'm a bit stuck for ideas, so if you have something you want to see, please don't hesitate to suggest whatever you can think of!


	5. Chapter 5

Ignoring the painfully shrill shrieks of his parents having a disagreement, Sirius stared blankly at the ceiling with half-lidded eyes.

Sirius had taken to retreating back into his head, completely bored out of his mind with the monotony of the Christmas holidays. It was almost relaxing - ignoring everything in the world around him. Just a few more days, or weeks, or however long was left, and he would be back on the train and everything would be good again.

He hated to admit it, but it would have been much more easier to have Regulus in this hellhole of a room with him again. Back then, they'd ignored the outside forces that were trying their hardest to tear them apart. Sirius and Regulus had even managed to have some cordial conversations, free of house politics, blood politics, any politics...

"It wouldn't hurt you to just be a little nicer to him," Regulus had said once after another one of Sirius and Kreacher's glowering contests.

"He's repulsive," Sirius said. "He only likes you because you don't see that."

That was how the majority of their conversations had gone. Sirius bending over backwards trying not to mention how much fun it was to spend time with James and Peter, and in return, Regulus thoughtfully refraining from bringing up the hoard of family members who stayed up every night in the common room plotting Sirius's murder.

Regulus had even gotten Kreacher to give Sirius more food, and Sirius had forgotten himself for a moment, thinking that maybe when they went back to Hogwarts things would be a little different, but of course things stayed the same. Getting more food, and sometimes even nice meals once in awhile, had been a welcome change from the dry brad and the lukewarm soups that had become the staple comfort food of his home dwelling days.

It was probably the only time that Sirius had hesitated before walking onto the Hogwarts Express, loathe to let go of the fragile connection between himself and his little brother. The moment they'd arrived at Hogwarts, it was as though the entire summer had never happened.

Nowadays Regulus was free to roam the hallways of Grimmauld Place, inviting friends over and becoming a guest without any sort of restrictions. After all, he was the good one.

His stomach groaned. Kreacher was late. Or maybe he wasn't coming at all.

After a brief appearance in the obligatory holiday snobfest his parents called a Christmas party, Sirius had been locked up in his room with nothing but his schoolbooks to entertain him. Five year's worth of this ritualistic tradition had taught Sirius that it was pointless to try charming the door open. It was sealed with house-elf magic, and screaming at it was only going to make the dirty creature more smug.

Sometimes he cursed that the room had a window, it would have been easier to suffocate to death without one, then he'd be spared from the boredom slowly eating away at his mind.

He had even completed all of his vacation homework. It had taken him less than a week, even though he had written and revised his essays with more care than he had ever placed in a well-planned prank.

He hated the holidays.

The only good thing about this winter had been Remus. His frustrations had seeped through the letters somehow, and the observant boy had caught up on it, becoming a pseudo-psychologist friend as they wrote back and forth.

Sirius had been happy to see Remus start opening up to him over time, It had been a slow process, but Remus's replies became less time consuming and correspondence between them became more frequent as they approached the holidays.

It was funny how Remus became more trusting as Sirius became more honest. He knew that some of the things he wrote in the letters had the potential to cause more trouble if they got out later on, but he'd always been a rash, in-the-moment sort of person so he couldn't be too bothered about it.

 _Remus, the fucking holidays are coming. I'm probably going to go batshit crazy if I stay cooped up with my family._

 _I didn't know you don't get along with your family. Are you okay? Did she say something to you again? Stay at Hogwarts! Or, better yet, come to my place for a few weeks. We'll have some fun._

 _I know you're kidding but I'd love to. Except I can't. There's a family thing and all of my relatives will be there. We're going out of the country for it so I can't come and see you. You'll still write to me, right? I hate spending time with my blasted family._

 _Of course I will. You know I care about you Lily._

He felt a twinge of guilt whenever Remus wrote Lily in his letters, whenever he wrote something private, or some reference to some conversation that they'd had in the summer. Those little things grabbed at his conscience and made him wonder if he was mad for doing this, but the doubts became chased away every time the owl broke through his clouded haze and made him feel like himself again.

Like now, Sirius noted, sitting up straight for the first time in three days to greet the majestic owl back into the room. It was another letter from Remus. He tore open the letter and gulped in the words like a man dying of thirst.

 _Lily,_

 _I have something I need to confess. I've been keeping something from you for a while. I hope you will forgive me for taking so long to mention something so big, but when you read this, you'll hopefully understand._

 _A few weeks ago, Dumbledore came around and offered me a position as the temporary Hogwarts librarian. After mulling on it for a few days, I accepted. You know that my family isn't doing well and I can't pass up a job that pays well and gives me three meals a day._

 _I didn't mention this because it seemed like you had a lot on your plate for the last couple of days, what with your mother telling you that for every word you said you'd get locked in your room for it, having your wand taken away, and I'm not going to even get into everything you told me about the "family gathering". I just didn't want complicate your Christmas any more than it already is._

 _I understand if you're uncomfortable with my being at Hogwarts. You probably never banked on me seeing you and being in close proximity to your school environment. I completely understand. We'll deal with this the way you want to._

 _I thought about telling you immediately. You were the first (and only person) I wanted to tell before showing up at school unannounced, but I didn't want to say anything before Dumbledore arranged for some last minute preparations._

 _If I'm going to be honest with you, I'm a little nervous about coming to Hogwarts. I'd always wanted to go to a wizarding school, and I'm a little worried about fitting in with my peers. I've never spent much time with people my age. You were the first person to continue talking to me. I guess my pushing people away should take some of the blame for that._

 _Yours,_

 _Remus._

The letter slipped from his fingers as Sirius went into shock.

Remus was coming to Hogwarts. He felt a wave of confused panic overwhelming him.

Scrabbling for his school bag, Sirius dug out the hidden two-way mirror and called, "James Potter!"

A messy head of hair came into the frame. "What's going on, mate?" James asked, grinning. "Nice to see you again. What's happened now at Loony de Casa? Is it your dear old mummy again?"

"Never mind about my batty mother," Sirius said frantically. "I've got real problems."

James whistled. "More serious than your mum?"

"Worse. Remus is coming to Hogwarts." At James's blank look, Sirius explained, "Lily's mystery boyfriend from summer break."

James scowled. "I thought they broke up."

"I know that, and you know that, and Evans thinks that, but Remus doesn't, remember?"

"No, but it's starting to sound like one of your alcohol induced ideas."

"After a few weeks of Remus taking forever to reply to one of Evans's letters, she wrote to him saying that she wasn't feeling it anymore, and that he will always be a good friend, remember?" Sirius asked desperately. "I offered to send it."

"And you didn't," James concluded.

"And I didn't," Sirius admitted. "Because I thought I'd have a bit of fun and keep talking to the bloke as if I was Evans."

"Oh, I think I remember now," James said peevishly. "I distinctly remember that I said that it was a terrible idea."

"Yes, well, I ignored you," Sirius snapped. "Could you focus on the important issue here? He's coming to Hogwarts thinking that his redheaded girlfriend still likes him and it's just me!"

James shrugged. "I don't see what the big deal is here," he said apologetically. "You wanted to play a prank on this guy, and now you have. What's the matter? He'll be embarrassed, Evans will yell at you for thirty minutes and everything is back to normal."

Sirius blinked.

"Yeah," he said, his voice coming out a little dazed. "Yeah, good point. Sorry mate, dunno what got into me."

"Anyway," James continued, "he gave us that idea about the itchy underwear the last time you wrote to him about a prank, so he can't be that hurt by it. He'll probably laugh it off."

 _If I'm going to be honest with you, I'm a little nervous about coming to Hogwarts. I'd always wanted to go to a wizarding school, and I'm a little worried about fitting in with my peers._

James disappeared, and Sirius was left staring into his own reflection, unwilling to admit that maybe hurting Remus wasn't his idea of a funny prank anymore. They'd become closer than he'd expected, Remus telling him more glimpses into his life as he played therapist to Sirius's violent mood swings.

 _Why aren't you here at Hogwarts?_ Sirius had asked glumly one night when as he watched Hagrid drag in the bushy grand Christmas trees into the Great Hall for decoration.

 _I've always wanted to go,_ Remus had written back, _words written in handwriting a little shakier than usual. I'd never had the chance to. I was ill a lot as a child, and it was better for everyone if I stayed home._

 _I'm sorry,_ Sirius said honestly. _Are you better now?_

He'd never gotten the answer to that one, but Remus had told him a lot about his ugly family skeletons whenever Sirius was depressed about his own. In fact, Remus had told him more than he'd ever actually told Lily, and Sirius wondered why that was.

 _My granddad disowned our family, so I can kind of understand. Of course, I was a little kid then, so I don't really remember it all that much._

 _I think if you want to make the Slytherins uncomfortable without getting detention, the best bet would be to aim for underwear. They won't go to a teacher, and no one would really want to investigate any deeper into things if it was a… sensitive area._

And Sirius had returned the favor too. A friend far away from his real life was a safe haven for him. A friend actually interested in his rants and his moods and his family life, how on earth had he gotten that?

 _I think I have an alcohol problem, Remus. I know it's bad for me but I don't think I can deal with anything sober right now._

 _There's been another attack. It's werewolves this time. I guess scum keeps together. AND THEY THINK Voldemort cares about blood purity? He only cares about himself._

 _Do you think that a boy who's really really nice to house elves could ever become a Death Eater?_

It was seven days until the end of vacation, and Sirius didn't know if he was dreading or anticipating the day he could return to Hogwarts. Shit was going to hit the ceiling, and this time, Sirius wanted to prolong it.

Taking out a quill and a fresh sheet of parchment, Sirius carefully wrote another damning lie.

 _Remus, you rascal, I can't believe you didn't say so earlier! I can't believe that you're going to be at Hogwarts - it's going to be great. Just like you always wanted, yeah?_

 _I am going to be really busy, of course. It is OWL year and the workload is getting atrocious. If I'm a little distant or strange, just assume that the Transfiguration essay drove me a little around the loop, okay?_

 _Things are really getting kind of anti-muggles around here. Do you mind if we pretend to just be friends until everything settles down again? I know you saw Snape in the summer, but they're all just as nasty as he is and then some._

 _Cheers!_

 _Lily_

Sirius sighed. It was so transparently a lie, possibly the worst he had ever written, but for now, it would just have to do.


End file.
